Tuesday, February 5, 2008

See you soon aiden


So with a little help from my friend, I have decided to give my self an outlet...somewhere to get all these feelings out.....

I want to first thank my mom...she has stood beside me throughout my life, but nothing can compare to the hand that held mine this weekend...

I want to thank my mother in law for the very love that i refused to accept from her for so long...she has shown me support and love and respect...

And most of all, my friend Debby....I cannot find words that can express the feelings I have for you...your love, your support and your shoulder mean more to me than youwill ever know.......


So, on Saturday, Feb 2, 2008, at 2:54pm I brought a new life into this world...Aiden William...8lbs 14 oz


As the doctors placed him on my stomach....all the voices around me seemed to fade...Do I touch him? Do I love him? He is not mine....But he was...he is a peice of me...my son...and I cried....and so the roller coaster begins...


I watched as they cleaned him, wrapped him and handed him to me....he looked at me wide eyed..


my son

and i knew that the hours, moments, seconds were winding down....until I had to say goodbye...

I held him that night, just looking at him..seeing me...holding him so close and singing to him....i sang a James Taylor song...."So close your eyes, you can close your eyes its alright...I dont know no love songs and I can t sing the blues anymore....but I can sing this song..and you can sing this song when I'm gone...It wont be long before another day..."..whew....enough of that...

Anyway,Sunda night came and I knew it was only hours until I had to hand him over.. I could feel my heart actually ripping apart...for the next 7 hours i just held him close to me..crying and telling him how much i loved him and that I was giving him a wonderful life....but all those words could not hide the fact that i just wanted to run and hide with him in my arms...

How does someone give this away

The time came and the doctor came in to take him from me and I just could not let go....

I held him so close to me

his face touching mine, the smell of his breath and the softness of his skin.... said goodbye

As the door shut...I lost a part of me...I will never be the same

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1 comment:

supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girl said...

One foot at a time. :) My heart is with you and I'll strap myself in for this ride. We've done roller coasters before.. Aiden is not meant to be forgotten: to be a secret. :) We will relish his life... albeit from a safe distance as I might be capable of some stalking! Sorry fellas. I'm a stalker at heart! LOl

We will feel joy in his life. JOY. He is JOY. :)

Let er rip Jenn.. let er rip. And Jenn's family: find her. Know her. Let her be Jenn. SHe loves you all so much and without outlets: without her family just "being" ... she cannot do this. Love to all of you and especially my partner in crime of 20 plus years. You may have begun this journey alone.. but you are no longer. ~ debby

February 05, 2008 11:03 AM

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