well

so i know you are all waiting to hear what happened
and well
you will have to wait another week
rick got sick and joe was gonna bring lucas by himself, but
with the weather and everything we decided to wait til next week
so we can all be together
so...i look forward to next week
ill keep you posted
thanks for all your kind words
i love you guys

it is coming!

so the day is finally arriving!!!
i am going to meet lucas
i knew aiden....
i am now going to meet lucas
i geuss if i put it that way, i can deal with it better
and i try to convince myself that he was never mine in a way
that i am meeting joe and ricks son
friends of mine
that dont work!!!
i am a mess right now
i am sure that some of my family thinks this is a mistake
but i dont give a shit
this is something i want
that i think we both need in the long run!
i am dreaming of him again
those horrible nightmares of him screaming for me in the hospital
and now some nights...it is present time
and when i leave the visit
he is crying with his arms out for me
i pray to god that something in him remembers my voice
and i hope that joe and rick will give me some time with him
to walk and talk to him
just to play with him
if lucas is ok with that
i am a wreck people
nervous
excited
sad
happy
a little bit of everything!!!
jan 17th
that is the day
i cannot wait...