almost three months old

so this is the latest..

i think we are finally done with all the legal hoopla...

even though i am totally disgusted with the process....why i had to be involved with any of the "after" paper work is beyond me...but i did and i did it with no complaint to them...

i hate that most of the people invloved think that i am stupid...that i dont know my rights in all of this...or think that i do not know how to communicate like a human...or should i say an adult....an educated adult

oh well...

i geuss that is the role that i played

poor white girl got knocked up by some looser and left for ......DUMB?

oh well....ill jump through whatever hoops i gotta ....

not going to risk my relationship with him ..

aiden...lucas....with his daddy.....april....almost three months old...

words....

thinking of aiden today
i talked to dads yesterday on the phone
their words touched me
joe told me
we lay lucas down everynight on the blanket that you wrapped him in at the hospital and tell him of his mother...
what a beautiful boy
what beautiful people they truly are...

sweet little aiden..........

look at this little sweet face..

the innocence of being a baby..

he is so frakin cute

i was thinking of him alot today

kind of emotional

i am wondering what will become of this...this relationship

"birth"mother and son

what is going to become of my relationship with his fathers

who know i geuss

only time can tell.............

train wreck

i have come to realize this pain is a part of me
and the tears can resurface at any time

this morning....
lily was getting into the truck to go to school
and just the way she turned around to look at me
she said
"mom, i really love you"
and then gave me a little smile

i shut the door and broke down
i feel so guilty
like i have missed alot of time with them these past few months
because of the time i have spent sulking
crying
i feel so selfish
and then i feel so guilty for being selfish

i am a train wreck

i havent shed a tear in weeks
and today
like a flood

her little face
his little face

smile

well...how cute is that

aiden's first smile picture

he weighs 13 pounds now

got good report from doctors..

he looks happy