train wreck

i have come to realize this pain is a part of me
and the tears can resurface at any time

this morning....
lily was getting into the truck to go to school
and just the way she turned around to look at me
she said
"mom, i really love you"
and then gave me a little smile

i shut the door and broke down
i feel so guilty
like i have missed alot of time with them these past few months
because of the time i have spent sulking
crying
i feel so selfish
and then i feel so guilty for being selfish

i am a train wreck

i havent shed a tear in weeks
and today
like a flood

her little face
his little face