well....yeah

not even sure if anyone reads this anymore
i want to see him so bad
the dads emails are short and vague
i try not to think about it
about him
but it is sort of impossible
i think of how nice and caring they were
how much they called me
hoe much they wanted to see how i was
and how good it felt...
how good i felt about the situation...
something good out of something bad...
and then the calls started dwindling
so did the emails and now i have to ask for pictures
i never felt so used
and believe me..
being honest,
i have been used...
but they got what they wanted
and so did i
i geuss
a good family for him
i just pray that they tell him that i do love him
and that i think of him every day
that i gave him to his family cause i love him
i am scared for him
to know that i gave him up
i dont know
the whole thing is that i want to see him
i want the dads to call me and ask me how i fucking am
to say thank you, send me a card on mothers day..or at least an email
and some say well, you know what you did, this was your decision and it was and
i chose to do this
i chose them...for one
because they were gay and I know ALOT of people WOULD NOT give a gay couple a child...
i thought i would be making a family...i did...i gave them their family..
i got a basket of carnations, a thank you, a scar, a sadness that will never leave my soul
and they got a life, a family..happiness that some will never know...