it is coming!

so the day is finally arriving!!!
i am going to meet lucas
i knew aiden....
i am now going to meet lucas
i geuss if i put it that way, i can deal with it better
and i try to convince myself that he was never mine in a way
that i am meeting joe and ricks son
friends of mine
that dont work!!!
i am a mess right now
i am sure that some of my family thinks this is a mistake
but i dont give a shit
this is something i want
that i think we both need in the long run!
i am dreaming of him again
those horrible nightmares of him screaming for me in the hospital
and now some nights...it is present time
and when i leave the visit
he is crying with his arms out for me
i pray to god that something in him remembers my voice
and i hope that joe and rick will give me some time with him
to walk and talk to him
just to play with him
if lucas is ok with that
i am a wreck people
nervous
excited
sad
happy
a little bit of everything!!!
jan 17th
that is the day
i cannot wait...