Ok..so my therapist (thats you deb....lol)says when i am feeling this way to list the positive...
Like what i saw when i walked in their hotel room last night...
I saw two very happy dads....two dads that have fears, and hopes and dreams and that have waited a long time to love aiden (lucas aiden)...
they look at him like they birthed him themselves and for this i am grateful..
i am lucky to have two such men in his life...
that will love him and give him more than i ever could..
but i have to say this
I do love this child
I am not giving him away because i dont....
wait i said to myself that i wasnt gonna do that...
think positive jen...
I am thankful that i found two wonderful men that will give him all the love that i would have and probably even more....
I love the fact that they want me in his life, that I will always be his mom...(get it cause he has two dads) and they want him to know his brothers and sisters when the time is right
They have love for me as well, and throughout this whole thing, have done what I wanted and now it is their turn...
You are the dad...the parent, the one i trusted to love my son...
I am ok with this...i am
I just have to allow myself these days of craziness...
these days of wanting him back...these overwhelming feelings
if i learned anything in rehab it is the saying ":this too shall pass"
while i hurt and cry and want him, I know he is in a wonderful home and with wonderful parents that love him
and i have to allow myself....the time, the hurt, the tears....
2 comments:
There are no words to make you feel better right now. You have to stand by your choice either way. We will love you and support you either way. Know that the baby will be loved no matter where he goes. He is still a part of us. These guys sound like they are going to keep him in touch with you and the kids which is awesome. You have to battle through. I always tell you to let me know if you need anytihng and that still stands. you have to let me know though. Think of the positives. It is going to take some serious time to get through all of this. It is going to hurt no doubt be the hardest thing you have ever done, but be strong and stand by your choice. Remember the email you sent to me when you told me. You told me you where turning a bad situation into something wonderful for someone else. There is nothing I won't do for you, you just have to reach out. Just know I love you and always will no matter what!!
Interesting to know.
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