So i geuss i was a little over reactive this morning...maybe not
I am hurting right now and i feel like instead of getting better it is getting worse...
Many of you have voiced your opinion to me about being worried i may fall back into the old pattern of my life...to self medicate...
i want to reassure everyone, i will not go down that road...I know that my kids need me sane...and one day when aiden knows me...he needs to hear good things and i dont want to be that person again..
Yes...i am a little mental right now..yes, i am sad a lot...but i am allowing myself to feel these things...to let myself hurt..to cry, to grieve if you will...
I know that one day i will be happy again...i look at my kids now and i am ...they make me smile...i dont want them to see me cry, because they dont know why....
one day they will understand
the bottom line is .........I know that i made the right choice..aiden will be loved without judgement, unconditionally......
i stand by my choice, yes, but i want everyone to know ...it hurts....let me hurt....let me cry
its ok
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We will invest in Kleenex stock. We will take road trips to Costco for Puffs. We will SHUN hard ass hospital tissues for they hurt a cried out nose.
Your brother is ... is...the epitomy of sibling hood. This will be a life changing event in perhaps more ways than anyone ever realized.
Hoo-rah Bill.. Hoo rah.. you are a great dude.
Jenn.. I know what that meant to you to hear that. Revel in it and use it.
I came across this quote in a novel I'm reading. " I will ride it out until it is a whimper.. "
Ride it out. In the meantime... steer clear of hospital Kleenex.LOl
~d
:)
Well, I will try not to make this note about me but I was very moved by the entire site. Crying is not that easy for me (since zoloft) but the tears have been flowing. It could be the pictures of this beautiful soul brought to us from a very special soul. Through the years Jen, your choices have been less than conventional. Through all you have lived, you have managed to bring joy to two dads ( again an unconventional couple)who seem to have been given a chance to raise a son. God help them in this journey. A situation that I imagine at first seemed horrible has been turned into something wonderful for all of us. I must say that I dont know if I could have done what you have done. I guess we all make decisions when presented and have to live by them. I think you will be able to look back and say I did the right thing. The fact that he will know you will be a great thing for him. He will understand as he gets older and wiser that the decision was best for him. That he will always have love around him. Just remember I am always up for a road trip...
I hope you know that you should never doubt that you are loved. I am always here for you, just ask. I know sometimes you may get reactions from people about choices you have made that arent what you want to hear. Everyone has their opinion. The reactions are usually out of the love and want for the best for you. Remember we all carry our life baggage, we have made decisions that have hurt, but with the support from friends and family we get through it. You are a brave person. I respect your decision with Aiden. Your are in my thoughts and prayer.
Love
Aunt Kath
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