i am just sitting here wondering about a bunch of things..
weeding through these feelings...
i hid my emotions yesterday...put all this sadness on the back burner...
played with collin...on his level
made a wonderful dinner..
had fun with my kids...
and yet..today..i feel worse..
i cant stop thinking of the dads
about how much contact we had before the birth
about how much i felt like they really cared
about how much i felt like we had a "special"connection
and about how now, i barely hear from them
and i wonder how they can look at him and not think of me..
i know the lines are hard right now..
but i just almost feel used
it sucks
i gave them a peice of me
my son
i know this is hard...he is with a loving family...
i geuss i am just pissy
angry
debating wether or not to even say anything
and it s not just them
i am angry with so much
that i am not even well enough to keep my sons party scheduled for this week
because i am afraid of bursting into tears...
i am pissed at the dads
i am mad at me most of all for doing it in the first place
for creating this life
that i gave a way
so is this part of the healing
anger
rage
i geuss
i geuss i will just have to see
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
The day with collin sounds like great medicine for you both. as far as the dads .....sounds like you spent alot of time on line. your kids need you...they love you...these are the most important time in their life....
i am glad to hear you say your angry......you are clearly seeing it for the facts that they are....you should have just canceled this party all together. but maybe it would be a good outlet. i will help you all you have to do is ask. mom
Post a Comment