Monday, March 3, 2008

i am a mom

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

i got this in an email today...
it really hit me
you know, i think that i am having such a hard time with this whole thing...cause this is who i am
I AM A MOM
that is my job
it is what i always wanted to be
it is me
and he was mine and i gave him away
being a mom
it is what i know
it is all i know right now
so all of you reding this blog
please keep these word in mind when you tell me that everything is going to be ok
it s not gonna be for a long time...possibly ever

1 comment:

supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girl said...

it'll never be okay jen. you're loved and not alone.

d