remember this

after therapy last night...
and this rough week i have had...
i just want to crawl into a whole and sleep....
just sleep
i dont want to eat
i dont want to be awake...
i would love 24 hours of darkness....
talking to her last night made me not only realize that i was wrong to give him away
but now i will never have him back
i will get my visits
and now i have to press on
HOW
can someone tell me how to do this
i am much better with direction or and instructional pamphlet
my hands are shaking and i have tears streaming
I HATE THIS
it is such a helpless feeling....so fucking helpless



ok....and one side note


if you are going to comment on my blogs
i welcome you good and bad...
but put your fucking name on it...
not
birth
not you know who


michelle it is ok to comment on here...
mom you too
just let me know that it is you



for sure


i am tired of getting all these comments about how i need to be ok for my kids...
do you think for one second they see me cry or hurt or any of it.....they dont


i am leaving this go for a while...enjoy the HOT weather and my space from all of you....
just leave this alone
this has been turned into something that it should not be
remember when reading...


THIS IS MY BLOG
WHERE I WRITE IT DOWN AND LET IT GO
WHERE I AM ABLE TO FEEL
HONESTLY


remember that