today

i had him brought to my attention today
my little ground hog day baby
i felt it again
his breath
my tears
the pain
i didnt know it could still be so fresh
i ache for him

aiden

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eight months ago.......

here he is
eight months old
as much as i dont want to think about him anymore
my dreams are filled with him
i have been waking up with that lump in my throat lately
and having to hold back
i dont want to cry anymore
i dont
look at his little feet
i want to see him
to touch him
but the thought of the pain of having to leave him again is so overwhelming, that i am scared i am never going to want to see him...
i loved him enough to give him this wonderful life he has
at least that's what i keep telling myself
oh well
sigh..........................

baby goes to aruba!!!!

sweet.......

how cute is he....

breaks my heart

and melts it all at the same time

he has so much love

i just wanted to say........

i miss him......
i smelled him last night
in my dream
i miss him

no i didnt

i have not updated in a while
trying to stay away
from everything
out of site out of mind
yeah
i wish it worked that way
i did not go see aiden
i was sick to my stomach for the weeks before and now
i just feel like i have let him down
as i have many others in my life time and again
i just couldnt bring myself to touch him again
to go through that pain again
selfish?
yeah probably
i think of him more now than ever
wondering if he is clapping, sitting, crawling
wondering if he is wants my arms to hold him
the first hand that touched his...
it rips me apart daily
i hate this

lucas aiden got baptized

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AcNm7Zs3ZtWL3w&emid=sharview&linkid=link2
aiden
got baptized
enjoy