This day never gets easier!!

lucas is 2

what a beautiful baby...
i want to see him ... play
laugh
love him
happy birthday aiden

cant sleep

trying to explain feelings like these to someone is bullshit
two years now and the second i fall asleep..
i feel it
i hear the door shut
hear the wheels of the babys hopspital bed wheel away
wanting to run and grab him
feeling his breath on my face...
my tears..
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i want to just run...run away from this day
hey everyone
its ground hog day
and aidens day
the lump returns..
the hurt in my heart is here
i long to hear him laugh and still makes my whole body ache that i am not the one holding him when he cries..
happy birthday aiden
aiden william
lucas aiden
you are missed.......................








still

still

still ...
still today i am bothered
by memories of the hospital
still ..
today the feelings flood back
it still hurts
but happy birthday aiden william
i love you

feb 2

lucas is turning 2
feb second
the dads had mentioned me coming for his party
i am fine with it..until it gets closer
then i tense up
i am sure the hellos and goodbyes will get easier with time
but saying goodbye is soooooooooo hard
he is a cutie tho..his laugh
i hear it when i look at his photos
i miss him

christmas 2009

here is lucas
aiden
just gorgeous!!!
merry christmas